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My Draft Predictions...

Posted by Saints Fan in Austin , 16 April 2009 · 1,567 views

It's just about draft time, some ten days away, so I figured it was time to drop my bold draft weekend predictions. And I'm not the type of guy to say "I told you so!" but come Monday, April 27th, remember where you heard it first...
  • Within the first hour of coverage, if you have the option, you will switch from ESPN to NFL Network.
  • On NFL Network, Charles Davis will try to convince you that a certain player will be a star because of some insignificant trait, and he'll do it with no facial expression.
  • Mike Mayock will say something then give such a confident smirk that you want to punch him in the face.
  • Within 15 minutes, Rich Eisen will run out of funny things to say and Jamie Dukes will stop cheesing.
  • Within 30 minutes, you'll be switching back to ESPN praying that Emmitt Smith was brought back to give you something to bite your cheek laughing at, like his use of the English language.
  • Instead of the wordsmith that is #22, you'll get to see the repeat performance of "This Is My Damn Show" starring Chris Berman. This Broadway musical will be scored by the screaming Cris Carter.
  • When Alabama OT Andre Smith is drafted in the top half of the first round, Todd McShay will go on a verbal tirade which will only be outdone by the lovechild of Denny Green shouting with his hands gesturing like he's leading the symphony. Mel Kiper will pass out on set.
  • Somewhere around pick #14, Roger Goddell will announce "With the XX pick in the 2009 NFL Draft, the New Orleans Saints select Malcolm Jenkins, SAFETY, Ohio State University."
  • In the background, Jenkins will be heard uttering "they're messing wit my money!" Subsequently, his friends will be forced to reimburse him for the make it rain session they had back in Columbus two weeks prior.
  • Around pick #20, the long rumored megatrade will be made official. The NFL Network will trade insider Adam Schefter to ESPN for their Assistant Programming Director and a random unemployed ex-Cowboy from the glory days of the 90's championship teams.
  • Chris Mortenson could later be found stumbling around Time Square with a bottle of Taaka Vodka.
  • Sometime around midnight, I realize that I haven't ate, drank, or used the rest room in 12 hours.
  • For some reason, I'll get up and do it all again on Sunday morning.
Now for my Saints only predictions:
  • The Saints will select Malcolm Jenkins. If he's not there (and neither is BJ Raji), Beanie Wells is the guy.
  • The Saints will trade RB Pierre Thomas and possibly, Robert Meachem. They're not really sold on Thomas and they're extremely deep at wide receiver.
  • The Saints will somehow end up with six draft picks by the time the draft is done.
Enjoy the draft! But don't get too caught up in it. You'll thank me later. Trust me!


Best blog entry I've read in a long time.
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Good article, playa'. The E might not have many words in his back pocket but he has the hardware. You have a real knack for stereotyping ESPN and NFL Network in all the right places. This had me smiling.
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